How lucky I am to have each of you
It has been somewhat easy to be down on myself recently. Between the jaw surgery I’m having tomorrow and fits and starts on the career front, I can at times feel like the deck is stacked against me.
But while these concerns are valid, it also only paints part of the picture. Holding a full-time job or not, if I think about what I do with my free time, it involves being in the company of wonderful people who have come into my life. And as I have approached this semi-scary moment, I have been drawn to reflect on all that I have to be grateful for in that way.
I got to spend last weekend in Denver with my brother who I was not close with growing up and now am lucky to have a great relationship with. In the past several months he has been like a “big brother” to me. I hope one day soon to be able to return the kindness, love and generosity to him.
It’s Kevin be willing to be my lawn caretaker while I’m gone
It’s people asking, “when can we expect an update from your parents on how you’re doing? When can we come visit?"
It’s a penultimate evening cocktail outing with my friend Chris
It’s hoards of calls and texts arriving with well wishes
It’s Erin calling me from her vacation in Alaska. It’s Meghan calling me from Florida.
It’s Josh calling to chat but also lending a clinical ear to the situation.
It’s a wonderful "Anthony Bourdain Remembered" book from Phyllis that I have strict instructions not to read until I’m in recovery
It’s my parents because I am not sure I could get through all of this without them
It is my hope to better see life through this lens after this surgery as a page is turned. It provides me the chance to make tweaks to my mindset and how I commit to the things that are important to me.
When catching up with people it’s tempting to look for "big" things to share and yet so much of life’s great moments happen here and there but they all build on each other. The quote by Annie Dillard, “how we spend our days is how we spend our lives”, resonates fiercely with me.
I am in my 36th year with hopefully many wonderful ones to come but if changes are required, I have to take responsibility for them. A friend said to me the other day, “I recently had what seems like an overly simplistic realization but it occurred to me that I am in charge of my happiness”. How fitting it is for me to realize amid struggle how much I have to be grateful for and to not let hard things make me unable to see that.
Thank you for reading and all your support in my life.
Go Forth Boldly