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One, Two, Skip a Few... Ten


Clayton flew out today, heading home to Denver, marking the end of his eight-plus day trip here for Thanksgiving. He isn’t planning to come back for Christmas. Instead, he and Cathy may do some traveling. I think that sounds fun and am happy for them.

I’m not sure when he'll end up collecting Mowgli, but my guess is it’ll be in or close to 2018. At a point not too far into the new year, he’ll cross the five year mark of living in Colorado. He has the stories, ski passes and fourteener log to prove it. Despite the time that has passed, I can still remember him buying his Subaru for the journey out there. I can see the U-Haul trailer parked in the driveway. I can see my dad shoving “dad is the best” papers into Clay's stuff when he wasn’t looking. His move there was anything but yesterday. And yet, saying "five years" feels like a lot.

What all has transpired in my life since his move? When he moved away I still lived with my parents. I’ve moved from their house, to Courtney’s, then to my apartment on Oregon and now to Illinois. I didn’t start my first full-time job post Malaysia at IVMS until a few months after he moved. My entire relationship with the yoga community started after his move.

With the number five being a seminal one in our culture, as I reflect on the upcoming anniversary, I can’t help but imagine the next one, ten. When Clayton left I was thirty. I’m approaching thirty-five. At the next seminal mark, I’ll be forty and he will be thirty-six. The year will be 2023. My parents will be 73.

Sadness is the first emotion to surface when I think about this but as these moments come and go, I hope I am able to bring myself back to feelings of gratitude and love. I’m grateful for how our relationship has improved and for the memories we have shared. And I hope I harness this emotional urgency to bring myself back to the important work of making more of those. More laughter, good times and being supportive when needed is the best way to make sure I avoid regret about wasted time as the clock continues to tick.

I can’t have the time back. But I can work to have a say in how it is spent.


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